writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
