Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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