why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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