You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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