honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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