what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize