So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
