My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
