Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
