Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
