i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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