You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
