just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
