My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
