The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
