So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
