Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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