Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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