is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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