we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
