They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
