All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
