So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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