It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
