sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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