Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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