Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
