we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
