If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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