I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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