Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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