For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
