So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ladies don't puke and tell
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize