Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
