I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
