but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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