I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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