You really coming over, don't trick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
