I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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