I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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