people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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