Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
