he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
