Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
