i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
