# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
