If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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