spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
