she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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