I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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