I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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