Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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