I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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