I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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