My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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