i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
