I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize