I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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