I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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