I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
