I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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