He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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