i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
