How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
