Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
