I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
