how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
