you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
