Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
