Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
