Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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