You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize