I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
