I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
