Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

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(253): View more from Washington

dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Wait until you see the roof.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog

(989): View more from Michigan

They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.

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(416): View more from Toronto

So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.

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(440): View more from Ohio

HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.

(440): View more from Ohio

If I remember correctly he wasn’t

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