no, he came in my armpit
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
