I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
