I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She told me I should be a condom model.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
