Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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