A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
