Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
