his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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