omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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