I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
