I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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