He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
