then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
