ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
