Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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