is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
