I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The air was thick with penises
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize