I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
