I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
