I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize