So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
