Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
