so that wasnt chicken after all
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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