Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
