I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
