He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
