Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
