mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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