everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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