i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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