Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
