Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize