I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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