it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
