Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
