Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
