i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
